Love

As much as I try to keep my personal life private, there's one thing I want to share with you. I broke up with my bf of 5 years few months back. I realize one thing towards the end of that. You can never expect a person to love us as much as we can love ourselves. Believe it or not? We only met like once in 3 years time. Been in along distance relationship for the past 3 years. He's from another country so he often gave me the excuse of he has big responsibility towards his family and business. He just doesn't want to be there for me. I took it in for that 3 years and swallow all the pain in. My family has been telling me that he's not the right one for me but I try to stand on my ground. I was stubborn to listen to them until one day, I realize that why should I even make my parent worry bout me and that guy is not even worth it.

He still think he's right though as he has high ego. But whatever it is. he lost me for sure. He never try to be here for me so he'll never be here for me at all. Whatever is gone, it's gone. I will take it as a lesson but I still believe in love. :) My family show me ample of it. :) Everything seems to happen for a reason and I feel much happier now being single than being with someone who always make me feel like I'm nothing to him. I know my self worth. Although I'm not perfect, but I do still I deserve someone who love me and care about me. :)

MIA

don't think too hard
if you think it hurts that bad
don't talk about it ,
don't let it get you down
it's only one part of the story
just let it go ,
don't let it bring you down
now ..

Sorry for going MIA for so long. :) Guess what? It's about time for MC JIN's concert
:)
 Love love and adore him. :) He's simply one of the best rapper around who can rap in canto and english. :) And of course, he resemble a bit like HIM. :)

Nyway, I have half year more before my PHD contract end. Phew!~ 3 years past just like that. I still in the journey. I am so lucky to have a great supervisor.

New beginning

Sorry that I went missing in action for a very long time.Today is the 10th day of Chinese New Year for the year of dragon. I'm still in Kuching and will only be going back on the 12th of Feb. I've been staying at home almost everyday. I didn't even feel like going out. Call me lazy haha.. Maybe I'll meet up with some of my friends this week.

Guess what? It'll be 366 days to the next chinese new year. Well, I'm dread of getting older but time can never go back. 2011 was a depressing year for me. Wasn't a good one. I didn't feel well physically and emotionally. I hope this year will be better. As i grew older, I feel that I've been thinking a lot more about life.

I hope that I can complete my studies this year and get my doctorate degree. I guess my blog is a boring one. haha.. Just a space for me to voice out my emotion and thoughts.

I think mind is a very powerful thing. Once something bad gets into it, it can suck the life out of ours. I've learned a great deal last year. Unconsciously, I had planted fear and negative thoughts in my mind, and little did I know I've been wasting my time thinking bout it and let all the good things pass me by. I realize that I've been digging a black hole on the ground and bury myself in it. The more negative thoughts and fear I have, the deeper the black hole gets. I realize that I'm self destructing and this is not the right way to live my life. I began to think of happiness around me. I told myself that I should love myself more. Not to call me selfish but to get myself back on track.

Then, towards 2012, I began to see the light that pull me back to life. I believe that when you can't change things, accept them. God only give us the best and let us handle things that we are capable of. Have more faith.

Back!~!

Hey guys, sorry for being idle too long. Just submitted my 2nd year report. Sort of doing my analysis now.. 2 Months more will be cny.. I can't wait!~!~ :) I'm always being early n excited when it comes to chinese new year. :) LOve Love..

Anyway, I cut my hair short.. Not liking it.. :( Kinda miss my long hair. But I'm not at all upset bout it cause it'll grow back with time. :)

Reports reports

I'm sort of working on my report now. 2nd year report. time sure flies. I'm sort of worry bout my work. I think I gotta work harder. :( I feel that I didn't push myself to max yet. I promise myself I'm gonna work very hard n in end, I'm gonna treat myself to something good. :)

So, fighting!~!~ Thinking cap on..

Kuching

I went to a ballet charity concert by my previous ballet school, Layna Ballet Academy. Met up with some old ballet friends. :) I watched their performance and I think they are very good. :)






Guess what? I got a new hair cut. I feel sort of funny at first but I guess I'm getting used to it now. Oh, how I love Kuching. It's been almost 2 months since I'm back here. I was and still busy with my lab work but I got this chance to come back for holiday as the civil lab is close during raya. :)

I'll be going back to KL on Monday and I need to put my 100 percent in my civil lab work again. :)

Love love...

Mum brought me this watch. :) I think it's for encouragement to finish my phd. :) It's with pearl case and diamonds as the hours. :) Love it a lot.

I'm back in Kuching for almost 6 days already. :) I'll be back in KL on Monday morning. Plan to go to lab after lunch to cast the beams. Lots of things to do. :)

Girls.. Let us be inspired

Love the songs above.. Girls.. we r strong enough to bare children.. :) N then we r back to business

Better

Feel much better today after I talked to my supervisor. I wasn't planning on telling him anything bout what happened but he sort of know there are something wrong in the lab.

I manage to complete most of my lab work before weekend. But I have tons of reading materials to finish. Hmm.. I know it's best to read more cause tons of knowledge can only be found from reading. I have another 1 year plus to complete and I wish I can complete on time. I have lots of beams to cast in order to get the results I want.

How I wish there are 48 hours a day. haha

Annoyed

First of all, I don't get annoyed easily. I'll rarely get angry unless someone step on my back. That's what I went through today.

It's not easy working with people in the same lab who think he owns the lab. Someone who has an attitude problem but too arrogant to realize it himself. Sometime, I just wish that he knows how bitchy he is. haha..

He tried to dominate everything and give reasons on why he should act like a bitch. When he is stress, he tried to put his stress on other people. Hey, why can't he realize not only him is rushing to complete his work and he tried to put his stress on others when he don't get his way.

Everyone who step into the lab hope to complete on time. But I'm sure most of us learn how to compromise.

I'm so annoyed by the way he talked to me today. Such a bitch. He didn't even realize that he is the one who took out my sample yesterday that suppose to oven dried for a day. I tried to just forget bout it but he talked to me so rudely first like a dog barking. I tried to tell him i just took his one out today so i can dry mine and he said we suppose to share the oven and he is rushing for his project.

The oven can fit in 9 trays. Yesterday, He took 1 out of 5 mine out and put in his one. So he got 5 and I got 4. So today, to be fair, I took all of mine and one of his one out to put in another 5 of mine. He said its not fair. Is it not fair?

AM I NOT RUSHING? AND I TOLD HIM GO TOUCH HIS OWN BLOODY TRAY THAT IS STILL HOT. So annoyed.

KUching.. oh love...

Kuching.. Oh love..24 hours from now I'll be landed at Kuching International Airport. :) Looking forward to it cause the next time I'll be back will be for raya.

This holiday will be a short one tho' just over the weekend. :) I need family's love. :) shower me with food.

Be celebrating father's day this Saturday. I think my dad is excited cause we're going to have BBQ this Saturday and also pizza night on Sunday.

Complicated

Maybe it's time to sit down and think through the path of life that I want. It's hard to even think without mixing emotion into the choice we made. Esp for girls.

Just realize that after many years, people changed and things may no longer the same.

The words I love you may not seem the same anymore. Is it me who over think or is it true that people changed?

I wish things are not as complicated as now.

GIving up

I no longer trust myself anymore. I'm giving up. I don't even see faith in believing things will work out like the way they should. It's not only people who turn their back on me. I'm turning my back on myself. My life is finally screwed. Guess no one will understand how I feel.

This is the hardest path I've chosen and I can't get through this. I know life is never easy but I never guess it will be this tough.

Anyway, I'll try to put on a smiley face and pretend everything will be fine. But as saying goes, one can never cheat her heart.

Piled Higher and Deeper

Found a funny online comics bout phd. Very funny indeed. The comics actually picture what most of phd students have gone through and are going through. www.phdcomics.com

I know I'm slow in progress now. So, I know I must push myself more to progress. I have my submission soon and I do not have any thing to write yet. I'm doing my sieving. Endless.

I told myself I gotta go to my office every night to at least write some papers. My 2nd supervisor is requesting me to submit at least a conference paper by this year. I did 1 and a half. Need to read a bit more to support my data.

Singapore Part 1

I went to Singapore last week and met up with my high school friends, Irene and Mandy. I'll upload more pics from the trip with my family soon. :)

Pirates :)

Just watched pirates with CAthy at Jusco Cheras Selatan. :) love it. It never fail to impress me with fantasy. Black pearl in the bottle :) How cute....

I miss Keira Knightley from the last 3 installment. I think she's very pretty.

Oh ya, I've been thinking about the lists of important things in my life right now. Here it goes:

1. Getting my Phd thesis done on time.
2. Building a healthier lifestyle with the food I consume.
3. Making my family members happy. Impress them.
4. Start on journals and conference papers as soon as possible.

Last thing that I should put in my mind is relationship. I rather not to think bout it as much as I can. Thinking make me feel bad bout the choice that I made to stay in it. argh, I hope I'll not regret being in it as time goes on. Being committed is not what I'm seeking for right now. I don't wish have commitment like engagement or whatsoever. It's like tying me up and I don't like it. I think I love the type of freedom I have right now. As much as I wish to see him, meeting him once a year doesn't feel so bad after all. I love the time I have for myself as time goes by, I learn to love myself more.:) I learn that no one else will love me more than myself and my family, so it's only right for me to love myself a lot. I know who's very good to me so I'll learn to love them back more. I guess women should not rely on guys to much as their heart may change one day. Learn to love yourself more and you'll be happier than relying on the man you love to love you more than he love himself. I guess most guys are selfish as they would love themselves more than the woman they have in their life. Remember, no one can love you more than the love you can give to yourself. :)

Treats :)

I can't wait to watch the pirates of carribean. I heard from my friend that Midvalley has this awesome deco theme for the movie. Argh. I wanna go and see it with my own eyes this friday.




I went shopping with Angela yesterday. Got myself a pair of shoe, hat, a bag and 2 dresses. Got my mum a pink shirt and a shoe. :) Can't wait to meet her and ko next week in Singapore for the weekend. :)

Hmm.. Most of my uni friends are going to have 3 months summer holiday. I miss my undergrad as I need to work on my research during summer. :( I'm still busy sieving my ops. hmm Hopefully I can start casting next month and get some results for my 2nd year.

Weekend

It's been 3 weeks since I am back from Kch. I miss my dear nephew, Gerard. Isn't he a cutie?

I'm feeling so bored. I know I have lots of things to do but I always feel extremely bored on weekend. Most of the time, I'll be spending my time by watching movies and dramas.

Besides that, I'm trying to eat more healthily and drink at least 2 litres of water everyday. Hopefully, it can become a habit of mine soon. I can feel the difference in me before and after I drink water, Gotta make myself like a vampire craving for blood. But instead of blood, I should crave for water.

Oh ya, got a nice pink can and patrick from Mcd. :) And I've just cleaned the aquarium for my baby flower horn.

It's almost dinner time and I don't know what to eat. Perhaps I should cook curry chicken rice for my dinner. :)

Oh ya, I'm recently watching the hk drama, Moonlight resonance. Nice drama. Love it. A quote from the drama " A mother biggest fear is not to see their kids make mistakes, but to see them quarrel with each other. "

Tyler Lockwood & Caroline Forbes

Has anyone watched vampire diaries episode 21? Oh gosh, how I love Tyler Lockwood in there. He looked hot after transformation from werewolf to human. & the scene he has with Caroline is lovely.

Hope they will end up together in the next season. :)

Vampire + Werewolf = Forbidden Love

SOund hotter than Vampire + Human = Possible Love (if human become a vampire)

Argh, gotta wait another few months more for the next season.

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Mum,
Thanks for everything. Words can't describe how much I know your love towards me, ko ko and the our family. The reason you are tired and busy everyday is because of us. :) Care so much bout our well being and try to help us in every way you could. And I hope we could enjoy our trip ti Singapore with kor and his family in June. :)

Love lots,
ah girl