A picture of life..

After 3 months from my knee surgery, I had gone through roller coaster and learn to realize that I only live for myself. My family was always there for me. If without them, i do not know how i could deal with it.

As harsh as reality can be, Life is indeed fragile. Some innocent people seems to have ended their life not because they wanted it to. It's because of some other irresponsible people who drive recklessly(drink n drive) and the hurt people and try to get away with it. Therefore, NEVER EVER DRINK AND DRIVE.

nyway, I'm back in uni for work. Time seems to pass so fast that I'm freaking out that I have only 2 and half year time to complete my phd and I've not started with any thing. I'm starting to feel the stress of research. It's a lot worse than studying for final exams. For degree, we are given notes for final exams and the thing I'm doing now has no exact answer of whether I'm in the right path or not. I wishes that I still have the heart to go on with whatever I'm doing now. :(

Just got to get myself be more hardworking and drag myself to civil lab everyday from today onwards. :(

2010.. sigh...

guess wat? My beginning of 2010 was a rough one.. I dislocated my knee and underwent an operation. Ouch right? It was very painful okie? esp te stitching part. I'm now undergoing physio. Hopefully I can heal before cny. 2 weeks to go.. sigh.. n my leg still weak. lolx...

I dont wanna stay at home for cny. sien.. I wanna be out and about... doing things i like and adore..

Why do my knee fail me lol...

Christmass

I'm back home.. :) I'm thinking of uploading my pics but not now, kinda lazy and i'm trying to lsoe some weight here. haha but since i'm in kch, i guess it'll be hard. My family esp my mum has been trying to feed me with lots of nice food. tempting :P

Nyway, be having a new year eve dinner with some of my friends. :P I've decided to make it one go.. :)

When I'm back here in kch, I'm so lazy to go everywhere.. haha.. Is it normal to feel this way?? lolx... I'm kinda tired to get dress up haha...

Miss home...

Arghh... I'm so stress... and I miss home.. I miss my bed though my bed here is quite comfy. I miss my family esp my mum n my nephews.

Everyone seems to be going back for Christmas... Well, so I am. I can't wait to go back for 3 days again. A short holidays before my 3 weeks long holidays for Chinese New Year. Christmas is less than 2 weeks more, which clearly indicate that Chinese New Year is also around the corner.

I just can't wait for Chinese New Year... :P I love the cookies that my mum made plus everyone seems to be very happy. I can't wait to have cny eve dinner but this time around, he'll not be able to join us. lolx.. he's going to miss out the good food that my mum n sis in laws cooked. haha.. :P means I can have everything to myself. haha.. jk.. I'm not that greedy.

Actually stress has starting to crawl into me now. I'm not sure why I always get headache. Crap.. Maybe I got nightmare last night about an evil puppet chasing me.. lolx... maybe cause I forgot to put my talisman beside me when I sleep.

Anyway, I miss Chillies food. My birthday is around the corner and this time, he won't be able to spend it with me lol.. So, I've decided to do some shopping for myself n for my parent. I'll have a retail therapy.. :)

I love typing my heart out. haha.. expressing myself emotionally. :P cause it seems like I let it go when there's no one else there to listen to my grumble. They have their own headache n problems so I'm not going to weight them more with mine. Right??

Phd, which is famously stand for Permanent Head Damage has slowly start to show it's meaning. haha.. JK... lol...

Maybe my life without a laptop is boring that's why I have so much time to think n think n think of stupid n foolish things. I just can't live without it. I can do lots of things with it. Chatting n watching series n movies with pps stream. lolx... now this make me miss it more.

anyway, I'll stop crapping and signing off now.

xoxo,
jen

First day reporting..

I reported myself as a research assistant for the 1st day. I think i'm loving what i'll be doing. We don't have a clock in clock out system, yeah.. hehe.. means if i got nth i can just stay at home doing my readings. :P My principal supervisor for my phd is a very nice guy. He told me he just want to see the outcome not bout me spending how many hours in the office tho.

I have 3 years to go.. wait.. 2 years and 11 ++ months to go. It'll past very fast i guess. 3 years down the line is nothing. But i'm kinda scare of the final viva for my phd. ( but only to be worried in 3 years time) haha...

anyway, gtg.. :)

xoxo,
jen

Back in Nottingham..

I'm back in nottingham. Satisfied with my accommodation which is like 2 mins walk to uni. I paid for rm300 only and its fully furnished. Super cheap if were to compare to uni accommodation, which is rm600.

I've spent the first week in KL with my mum. Super happy bout it. We've bought barnie dolls and water bottle for my baby nephew and my mum said that he is so happy that he carry it around. haha


I've met him last thursday, which was his graduation. Now, he's back in his hometown.

And, I'm going to start my work on monday. sob sob. that mark the end of my holiday and the beginning of my study + working life. nyway, signning off now...


xoxo, jen

hmm..

I can't find the appropriate words to describe this post. Nyway, just wanna drop by n let him know I miss him so much. He means a lot to me. He's my one and only elephant. hehe..

I confess that sometimes I'm like a roller coaster. There's ups and downs bout my feeling. Emo freak argh.. I'm so used to call him names that he hates. but still he forgive me n treat me better. I feel so bad bout it at times but I'm used to be so manja to him.. hehe

I do miss the time we had together. Really. I can't wait to meet him again in nov. :)

Love him lots,
jen.....

2 is better than 1

I remember what you wore on the day I fall in love with u,
I finally took the courage to take the first step,
You came into my life and I thought,
"Hey, you know, this could be something that I'm actually seeking for",
I was lost until I met you,
Cause everything you do and words you say,
You know that it all takes my breath away,
And now I'm left with nothing,
When you are far away,
It makes me restless to be without you,
I remember every look upon your face,
The way you roll your eyes,
The way you taste,
You make it hard for me to breath,
Cause when I close my eyes and drift away,
I think of you and I know everything's okay,
I'm finally now believing,
Maybe it's true,
That I can't live without you,
Maybe two is better than one,
There's so much time,
To figure out the rest of my life,
But I'll figure it out,
When it's all said and done,
But now i know,
Two is better than one
With Me and You...

Mid Autumn Festival...

Sorry for this super duper late post.. :) I'd celebrated mid autumn festival at home.. :) with my family.. everyone made it.. my grandma, mum, aunties, uncles, bros, sis in laws, my cousins and my family friends. It was actually fun that my whole family as in me, my 2 bros and their families went shopping together at boulevard the day before the festival.

There's no doubt that my little cousins and nephews are obsessed with the lantern. Even my mum n sis in law played. haha

Whatever it'll be...

I have 2 weeks left in kch. Part of me misses what I have here while the other half make me feel so excited about the upcoming journey of my life.

I felt up and down a lot these days. I'm yet to understand how couple actually decided to get married. I know mine won't happened in at least 3 to 5 years. But being in a long distance relationship actually makes it harder especially the idd rate is super expensive calling from one country to another. Although technology are so advance these day with the existence of MSN and Skype, however, at times it needs the willingness of the 2 person to spend some time to communicate.

I'd realize how importance I am to him. As a rabbit myself, I'm trying to learn the fact of he's of the zodiac of rabbit too and this explains why family always come 1st to him. I actually don't hope so much from him anymore. I think if we are meant to be together, we'll be.

Btw, I'd found nice quote to comfort myself..

" Happiness is like a butterfly. The more u chase it, the more it will elude u. But if u turn ur attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on ur shoulder. "

not enough??

I've mixed feeling about everything. From everything surrounds my life. I know it I'm very lucky to have everything that some other people dying to wish for to come true. yeah, I''m feeling really lucky to have such a loving family, a loving bf who gives ways to me and etc..

Now, all that left for me to do is to appreciate every moment I have with them. :)

Blessed...

I'm so happy that I've finally got what I've always wanted. Another chance to study. Believe it or not? Haha.. I just got my unconditional offer letter from Nottingham about my Phd application. Yippie!~ I was accepted and offered a post as a research assistant while doing my Phd. :)

I felt that I'm truly blessed with everything I have despite at times I was feeling low and lost in my life especially during the time where everything seems to be just a dream.

However, I've yet to get my accommodation but I'd sent in my application form 2 days ago.

I've booked my flights to KL dy with such a cheap fare, RM115 one way via mas. :) I'm super duper happy and I'm feeling good bout everything right now.

Hanging on the edge..

DO you ever feel like you are hanging on the edge? All that left in this world is people looking at u weirdly. I hate people who make my mood bad. I hate it. Don't try to mess with me.

I hate people who don't answer their calls when they said they will wait for u.
I hate people who said he will wait but he just don't.
I hate people who say he cares but he never seems to be around.
I hate it when he tried to give tons of excuse just to get off of what he did to me.
I hate it when he said that he cares but he just seems to forget about me.

I feel that whats left in this world is for me just to run away from everything.

To be reveal

i'm now still waiting for something to be finalized :) Keeping my finger cross. I'm gonna be away for 3 years if it happened. :) hopefully.. :)

family....

I've been quite busy lately regarding my family matters and my own personal matters. It seems like everyone from my batch has started earning their own bucks whilst I'm still here being my parent's baby at home. :) I have other great plans for my future besides working.

However, no matter how much I have in my life, I'd learned to be humble and appreciate it. I'm so thankful for having such a loving family. Someone I can talk to and share my grumbles and happiness.

I'd learned that in life, we should be glad and thankful for whatever we have and we should treasure the relationships that we have with our parents, siblings, spouse and children as we only born once in life having that person as our parents, siblings, spouse and children. If we were to reborn again, it may not be the same person anymore who share that kind of relationship with us.

Sometimes, although we may argue with each other, but we can never break off the strong connection of us with them no matter what. They'll stay forever as your loved ones. Remember that. Therefore, we should try to forget and forgive as God can see what's true and believe in karma. Whatever happens may happened for a reason, but we'll still have the power to control over how we want it to be in the end. :)

To my dearest...

Happy Birthday, My Elephant..

Hope u have a nice one on the plane. :)

It's been almost a week since we are apart. I'm trying to get use to it and I'm doing just fine although I had a nightmare bout u leaving me for good.. lolx...

I really hope I could be by your side when you blow the candles for this birthday but sadly, I couldn't. But I hope that we could someday till we meet again.

love ya lots,
lovelyjen

Day out...

I've been busy lately doing stuff that I love the most from thinking too much bout the fact that I'll only meet him in a year time.

Things that I'd done include:

• Movie night with my bro n sis in law at the latest cinema in town, MBO at Spring. It's like 70 percent the one in KL, GSC. For KCH standard, it was way better than the existing one.
• Next off, lunches and dinners with my mum. We've been spending quality time together. :) My mum is like my best friend. She always try to understand me. :) Nyway, she's been teasing him on the phone bout my nephew crying in the airport cause of him. :) haha..
• Saloon time with my sis in law at the JENT'ZEN at the Spring. It's RM36 for wash and cut. :) Quite reasonable if were to compare to those other saloons in town.
• Brandon's bday treat at Richmond by my aunt moi. :)
• Play time with my baby nephew, Gerard and Albert.

But I still can't deny I miss Mr. Elephant a lot.. :(..

1st day apart.-

I miss his presence.
His constant nagging and teasing.
His love and care for me.
I miss everything about him.
He was the only person who made me in tears.
& the only person who made me smile.
The only person I miss whenever we're apart.
I know I must get use to it.
But I'm thankful enough to have know him.
So close and well.
Though we're apart, he'll always be close to me in my heart.
I love u, my elephant...
Till we meet again.

xoxo,
jen

The sadest day in my life

Dear Mr. Elephant,

I'm so sad...
It'll be another 365 +/- till we'll meet again.
Words just can't describe the feelings that we have and the memories that we share.
I'll always keep you close in my heart..
I'll keep my promise to u for things that u told me.

Love always,
jen

:)

My throat hurts whenever I try to swallow my saliva or eat smth. Nyway, been busy packing my stuff to head back to kch. Although my flight is on wed, I do the packing beforehand just in case I don't have time for it. I'm gonna miss my time here. :) all those bitter sweet memories. but life is about moving forward right??