:(

Guess what? My singapore trip was canceled last minute. My mum has some work to do. :(

Then. I brought a flight back home the next day. So, I'm back in Kuching now. I love KCH. everywhere is so near.

I love my room and family. I love my bed.

Love and miss him, my elephant. :(

Thoughts

I'm at my aunt place in KL for the past few days.. Been going out and about in Pavilion, Sunway Pyramid, Kota Damansara and The curve. I think I've put on weight. I eat more meals a day. My mum is coming over this fri before we head to Singapore. Will be a fun week :)

I miss home so badly. I miss my dad. :) I remembered him being the best dad in the world. He never fail to put other needs 1st before anyone else. He's the type of person who think" yan yan wai go, go wai yan yan" in canto. :) After I watch the hk series a chip off the block, the character Sunny reminds me of him. I remember my dad used to buy me lots of good food. If I say I wan tomato fried mee, he will buy and wait for me after tuition. He will also carry my back and drive me to school everyday. I think I'm very lucky to have him as a dad. Though he may not be very successful in his career but he did more than other dad can do for their kids.

I think self reflect is a good way to remember what our parent and family sacrifice for us so we can try our best to be less selfish and stop thinking bout ourselves. I think if we treat other people nice, people will remember and treat us with respect. I freaked out thinking that I'm actually adult and my parents are going to be senior citizen soon and my brothers are in their 30's. I miss times when I was still a kid, constantly complain bout my school work. Time pass really fast.

I realize this blog is more of a diary of mine rather than blogs written famously by celebrity bloggers who constantly post pics of them out and about and advertorials. Maybe that explains why less people viewed my blog daily. :)

For my elephant

A new start is always frightening,
But at least this time I truly believe its LOVE,
I rather try to act to be happy than a painful break up
You and I had promise eternity and work on it

My frequent interest and request may give you pressures
U might be annoyed of long calls I don't want to hang up
U might call the expanding love of mine as obsession
As time goes by I'm getting smaller

Since u are a man, u wouldn't understand.
Since I'm lacking, since I'm foolish, I'm only looking at u
Since u are a man, u don't understand me
U probably just want to be free, u probably won't be able to change

When you are not next to me my heart feel empty even if u call
Why is that your words " I LOVE U" don't sound the same as before
The long waits are getting harder and harder
I felt as if I have nothing to give anymore
I think of giving up hundreds of times

I feel uneasy and can't sleep until u fall asleep
I go crazy when I can't contact you
I'm not a woman who expects many things
But I collapse from one of your action and your inattentive words
But since you're my man I still love you

NIce Korean Song

One of the song I think it's very meaningful. I brought one of the book Men from Mars and Women from Venus.. Read the first few chapters and it's really true.. I asked him bout it bout the theories shared by the author and he told me that is what is exactly in his mind.

ONE of the theories to be shared from the book for us to understand our better half:

Problem Solving

Men - As a men, they will try to solve the problem they have by themselves. They will not
mention bout the problem to anyone else unless they think that the person they talked to
can help them in finding solutions. They tend to hide themselves in their own world until
they solve the problem and come out again. AND WOMEN actually misunderstand them
cause women tend to try so hard to talk to them cause they thought talking bout it could
make them feel a lot better. But men does not talk bout their problems, so women tend to
thought their men does not trust them to talk bout what's bothering them. ACTUALLY
MEN JUST NEED TO HIDE IN THEIR OWN CAVE UNTIL THEY SOLVE THEIR
PROBLEMS. Women should just leave them alone. :)

Women - We like to talk about our problems over and over again to whom we may think care
about us. WE JUST NEED SOMEONE TO COMPLAIN TO. In end, after talking,
we'll eventually feel so much better and the problem is no longer a problem for us.
And men thought whatever problem we told them, we are asking for solutions bout
actually we are not. They tend to try to put on the MR FIX IT hat and suggest us the
solutions and we get more frustrated after that. ACTUALLY WE JUST NEED THEM
TO LISTEN.

Listen to the song i posted and you'll understand how hard women try to fit into their man's cave but they don't realize that it'll only make the matter worse if they try to help their man to solve the problem. MEN as being egoist themselves have their own pride when comes to problem solving, if a women tried to suggest how to solve it, they will feel as if they are useless. :)

Plans

Weekend is here again. :) It's another 2 weeks before I meet my mum and fly to singapore for retail therapy and then back to kl and finally be back to Kch for a week. But I'll be back in KL on 1st Sept. August will be a pretty busy month for me.

My experimental works will commence next week. Will be very buy for next half of the year. I have around 200 beams to be cast and test. I'm so excited.

I miss Kch so bad. I wish to meet my little nephew, Gerard. He's naughty but he is so adorable. :) NOt forgetting Albert and the rest of my little cousins. Albert is now 7 years old. I've been an auntie for 7 years now.. and I''ll only turn 23 this Dec. :)

Grief

Grief is the one thing that we need to deal with when someone around us or whom we know just left this world like that. No one knows what is gonna happen next. Life is like a candle, some lights up till then end and some are off half way through.

I lost someone I loved very dearly in a car accident before. I was at the lowest point of my life at that time. Nobody knew what I went through and how I felt. I was at grief for almost a year and I'd withdraw myself from friends. My friends could not understand how it feels so that makes them think I'm EMO or weird at that point of life. They walked away from me after some time. But some do stays.

The amount of pain that I felt in my heart was so great that I thought of ending my life. But I could not bear to leave my family esp my mum who loves me so much. I took one year to heal my pain and changed my thoughts. I think it's very bad and selfish of me to just end my life that way when some other who wishes to live on does not even get that 2nd chance.

But my past had made me stronger for sure. I looked at things differently. I will never give up on love if the person is worth all the space in my heart. I know the joy of having a complete family who love me dearly although my dad has stroke. Therefore, I tried my best to enjoy every moments with them. Life is not bout the length but it's the things that we did with our loved ones that we can hold close to our heart. It's how we live and see each day of our life. We shall be grateful to heavenly GOD and our parents who give us chance to see this world and live each day. There maybe time of ups and downs but we should be glad cause sometimes we feel the pain and that makes us more human.

We grief for our lost but I'm sure after sometime, we shall heal and stand up and walk again. All we can do is just remember all those great times we had with them until eternity.