Sunday, December 12, 2010

shop for the sky, but stuck at the ground...

I dunno where I'm at. I'm tired of waiting. Waiting here in line and hope that I'll find what I'm chasing. Been shopping for the sky but I'm stuck at the ground. I thought I could fly. :(

Not ready to let go. But I never know what my life will take me if I do let go. But I could not get what I'm wishing. Then, why should I try?

Saturday, December 4, 2010

YippIe!~

I'm going back to kch on 17th dec. I can't wait. It's days before xmas and new year so it's time for my season retail therapy. I brought 2 boots. One normal knee length boots and the other one is military boots. Love them lots. Be posting them up when I'm free.

Besides that, I brought few dresses, which add into the collection that I have yet to wear. Maybe I can keep them for cny. ANd not forgetting 2 handbags. Love them. I think I might turned into a shopaholic. haha..

But i guess it's ok since I did not buy any make up stuff for the past few months. I don;t c the need of buying cause I have MAC foundation, prime and pearl glow cream, Chanel lipstick ( a gift from someone), branded BB cream, Stage make up range from eyeshadow and etc, LAncome eyeliner, make up remover and mascara ( gift from mandy), and etc..

Btw, I think I'm been to lazy. I know next week I'll be very busy. 2 coursework and 2 lab report to be marked. I guess I need to bring them back to KCH lol.. N a report that I need to work really hard on so it'll look perfect to be submitted.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

:(

I think I might have lost my hp :(... I couldn't find it anywhere in my room or in the car. I hope I can recover it back. Maybe it's in the lab. I don't wanna lost it cause I don't wanna buy a new one.

I'm trying to put pieces of my report together. I need to complete as much as I can before I go back kch. So now till 17th, I'll be very very busy with beam testing and concrete trial mix.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Make my heart a better place

I'm dying to catch my breath
Oh, why don't I ever learn?
I've lost all my trust
Though I've surely tried to turn it around

Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
When you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe

Don't tear me down
You've opened the door now
Don't let it close

I'm here on the edge again
I wish I could let it go
I know that I'm only one step away
From turning it around

Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
When you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe

Don't tear it down, what's left of me
Make my heart a better place

I tried many times but nothing was real
Make it fade away, don't break me down
I want to believe that this is for real
Save me from my fear, don't tear me down

Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place

Don't tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe

Don't tear it down, what's left of me
Make my heart a better place
Make my heart a better place

Monday, November 22, 2010

Life is like a ferris wheel

I feel so tired. Maybe my high expectation and hopes on the one I loves constantly hurt them in the end. I think I expect too much from them, which in end if they can't make it, I blame them back for that. I feel it isn't right so I'll try my best to change. Maybe it's time for me to put myself in their shoes and think about the reason why they did that.

I was sick yesterday. I guess the reason I am sick is that my wisdom teeth is growing. It hurt so bad till I had migraine. :( Luckily, my friend was kind enough to pass me the panadol before I can settle down to sleep for about 12 hours without any aircond on. I feel much better after I woke up this morning.

It was raining this morning. How I miss those early morning rain which makes me miss the lectures and opt to stay in bed when I was in degree. I have Year 3 student lab this morning 9 am so I have no choice but to drag myself to get ready for labs.

I wish I have all it takes to complete my phd. :( A lot of hardwork. It's like cooking. A mix of hardwork and determination and knowledge in a pot and let them boil.

I might be at the bottom now. But I'm sure one day I'll be at the top of the ferris wheel again looking at the world around me.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Can't wait for xmas






Been around KL for the past few days and there are deco of xmas around. Times Square and Pavilion has setup their xmas decos.

Love the one in pavilion. Very Very pretty with flowers, rain deers, and xmas trees.

Times square has deco of ginger bread house and xmas trees..

I can't wait for xmas. I'm not sure where I'll be at that time but I know my heart is looking forward to be at home. What is xmas without family and friends,right? It's time of gathering, with lots of food, and love.

Love Darren..



Nice song from Glee.. Love Darren.. :)


You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the puch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

Friday, November 5, 2010

1st day back

It's so nice to be back even though it'll be only 5 days. Today is the 2nd day of my trip back. I'm catching up with my report while spending time with my family. My family has close friend who is indian and they are celebrating Deepavali. Believe or not, they can speak our hokkien dialect and mandarin.

My 1st bro treated me for a body massage yesterday. My sis in law, my 1st bro and me has a body massage for 1 hour. Very relaxing. After that, we went for tea time at old town coffee.

Besides that, my 2nd bro treated me kolo bee hon with fried chicken for breakfast yesterday. My 2nd sis in law made fried banana for us which is yummy.

SO happy that I'm back :) love them so much. my nephew are so cute and handsome. :) haha

Thursday, November 4, 2010

back in kch

i think i must be crazy haha.. i came back to kch last minute. 24 hours ago I brought my ticket last minute and after 2 hours, I rush to the airport to catch my flight back to kch. I will be here till wed morning. It's holiday in KL today cause its deepavali. I couldn't help but miss home. I'm back to see how's my family is doing here. They are the dearest to me now. If money can buy time with them, why not? They are the closest persons to me. After what I went through, I feel my parent stay 1st in my heart. No one will ever love me and sayang me as much as they do. That's why I believe. Parent we have only 1 in our life but boyfriend, we can have many if we want. So, no one can ever replace my parent cause no one can change the fact that they are my parent forever. :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Memory of a broken past

I can't help watching this mv over and over again. The lead actor face remind me of someone who is so dear to me. He looked exactly like 'him'. I couldn't help to be shocked and in tears the 1st time I watched this mv. And till now, it still bring tears to me. 'He' thought me how to fall in love. Although I lost 'him' forever and I have no chance to ever see him again, I still have memories of 'him' that I hold on till now. It's been 7 years and I still remember how 'he' looked like. :(

I mentioned in my post "Grief" before of 'him'.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Tuesday

It's only tuesday and my body are so tired. I have student lab 3 times a week, 2 hours for each session. That is ok but for my own lab work, it's so tiring. Grrr... Imagine yourself weighting all the materials for concrete mixing. MIx them, put them in the mould and vibrate them. I'm not talking bout a small size of material. I have around 140 kg mixes each time I cast. I'm so so tired.
I know I shouldnt complain, but I have lesser sleep than usual. Maybe that's the reason triggered my tiredness.

I can't wait for Nov, Dec, Jan and Feb.. Yesh!~!~ My mum is coming in nov. In dec, there's xmas n new year. I'm going to singapore with Kelly in jan. and there's chinese new year for feb. Yesh..
I know I should be working hard cause my report is going to due in feb. :(

How I wish I have casted the beams I need for this year so I have sufficient stuff to put in my report. SO far, 42 pages and I'm struggling. :( I saw some senior writing their one up to 100 plus pages. How is it possible?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Vampire Diaries

Apart from the book that I have yet to finished, I'm currently obsessed with the VAmpire Diaries.. It is so much better than Twilght. The lead actress is so much prettier than Bella from Twilight. :) And there is a vampire named after Damon, who resemble Nate from gossip girl.

The vampire diaries's storyline are written better compared to twilight. :) I'm catching up with the season 1. The recent out one is season 2.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Get it all out from my heart

I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep every other night. I'm in a relationship that I feel like wanna give up. I have been going over n over about the decisions whether to leave or stay. He doesn't even know how hard this is for me. Friends have been telling me that no one is perfect. I'm a serious person and I take things seriously. I don't want to be in the relationship that I know one day I'll end up nowhere.

I'm tired and I wish I know what I should do. :(

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Recent collection


I'm getting all nerd up on my recently purchased books. One of the highly recommended one is the eat pray love. :) I know I should not miss the movie but then, the book itself is so nice. The other 2 books from JOhn gray, in green and orange are men are from mars and women are from venus. :)

I can't remember the last time I'm so in loved in reading except my uni text books. haha.. :) Perhaps, many years back when I was a teenage. I used to love Singapore Horror books and some teenage romance books. I never read Harry Potter cause I fall asleep after reading the first few pages.

Friday, October 15, 2010

sat...

it's sat.. I'm doing my laundry now. PLan to have vegetarian food today. :) I just watched vampires suck and it's actually sucks, I fast forward most of the time cause the jokes are kind of lame.

I've tested 2 beams yesterday and it turned out fine. :) It failed the way I hope it would. I have more labs to conduct next few weeks. I'm a bit shy when it comes to talking in front of plp. But I guess I need to get used to it.

I had carrot juice with milk and I plan to make more later for dinner. I have lots of carrot in my fridge. I wonder whether it will make my skin orangish haha.

I have lots of journals that I need to catch up with. I know I should not be lazy and know this is my priorities. But I'm so tempted to read the book "EAt, Pray, Love", I can't stop myself from continuing reading it. Love the way the author tells the story in the way that she wrote it as if the reader is in her shoes. :) I got the book from Border.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

a day at work

As usual, I do not know what to eat for my breakfast apart a few piece of biscuits and soya bean drink. I feel so tired although I slept for 8 hours last night. I'm hungry but I don't know what to eat for lunch. The food at cafeteria are alright but it's to small to accommodate thousand of students there during lunch time. So, here I am telling myself. I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry. I'M NOT HUNGRY.

My friend, Jessica said that she's going to have vegetarian food tonight. So, I'm thinking of following her and I'm so excited. :)

I met my supervisor at 10am just now to discuss the mix design. I told him that I'm thinking to take leave in mid of dec and he seems alright. :)

I have my 1st year progress report to do and I wish to complete it by mid of jan so I can hand it in before cny. As, I'm thinking of having a long break for cny. :) I miss home.. I miss the food there. I think I've dropped at least 1 kg or 2 kg from the day I'm back from kch.

My lab work of casting beams are done for a small part and I've tested 1 beam but the results worries me. How I wish that I can hit refresh back to design so I can be able to design the beams with more rebars. :(

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Mix Feeling

I accidentally cut my finger while I was trying to cut the carrot to make juice. The cut itself is 1cm long and depth 0.3 cm. It was pain and bleeding. Bleed a lot but after a while, I realized it wasn't as pain as the time I dislocated my knee. So it was alright. I guess I went through a lot for my knee injury and somehow, it increased my pain tolerance. There I was putting on handiplast. :( I cut my finger twice in the lab too and now, both hand has plaster on. :(

I'm having lab demonstration tomorrow for the Year 1 undergrads and it'll be on every wednesday till end of Nov. Not only that, I have concrete mixing lab with the Year 3 undergrads. So, wish me luck guys. I'm new in this so let see how things go.

It's 12.40 am and it's quite unusual for me to stay up this late. I drank a cup of coffee around 9 pm so I'm not sleepy yet. I need to prepare the concrete mix design answer by this Thurs. I'm kinda worry bout my phd too. I'm worried that I'm not on the right path. :( Hope everything will turn out ok. :(

I think I need pain killer for my back pain and my finger so I can go to sleep later. Some of my friends from Unimas and Swinburne graduated. :) If u are reading this, just wanna say U guys did a great job and Congrats to those who have graduated. :)

Monday, October 11, 2010

A day in my shoes

Both of my legs feel so sore and tired from standing in the lab the whole day from 10 am till 6.30 pm. Casted another 3 beams today. I'm so tired. I guess I'll be heading to bed soon. Tomorrow I have lab again. Need to wash oil palm shell and sieve the sand.

I miss home. I miss my bed. I woke up middle of night last night cause my back hurts. The bed here is hard. :( I miss my house closet too. The closet here is too small for me. :( I miss home cook food. I miss metahon, a kind of dessert can be found in kch. I miss my little nephew calling me Kor Kor ( it means aunty)

I guess what I'm writing here is journalism. ( A way of expressing my needs, complains and etc)

I had soya milk for breakfast, mix rice and lipton red tea for lunch and homemade egg cheese sandwich and carrot and apple milk juice for dinner.

Talking bout food, I'm quite fussy when it comes to food. I prefer eating at home rather than outside cause I dislike if the food is cooked very oily and with msg. I don't use msg when I cook at home cause msg always make me feel so thirsty in the middle of the night and make me wake up seeking for water.

Besides that, I try to have some milk everyday. I know my knee are still healing so I guess it needs more calcium. I love coffee and milk tea. :) lipton milk tea tastes so good. :) and when it comes to vege, I prefer kailan rather than other type of vege. For fishes, I love salmon, both raw and cooked. For eggs, I love kampung egg, it taste much better. and chicken, kampung chicken, cause it has less fat.

Argh, my legs are tired. SUper tired. :( I have 12 hours rest before I head back to lab. I guess my life now is like a routine. 10am till 6 pm lab.. 6pm till 8pm bath, wash my hair,prepare dinner, 8pm till 10.30pm movies and dramas, internet, facebook, after 10.30 pm or 11 pm, zzzz. and dreams

I'm tired but I'm glad I have the chance to experience what I'm doing currently. I'm also happy for my classmates who found their job. :) It proved that nottingham graduates have no problem in seeking jobs. :) congrats :)

nyway, I love the sentence below. It somehow make me believe in love again. I realized that love requires lots of patience.
By day one way, by night another. This shall be done till I meet my true love..

I believe GOD has plans for everyone. We shall do what we are capable of, and something we have interest in. Try not to force yourself by doing something you dislike or be with the person who you think you do not love but just for the sake that you think he treats you the best. Love is a 2 way train, not a one way train, remember that.

Okie, it's almost time for my sleep. Nites everyone. Hope u will have a great day tomorrow. :)

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Weekend

Another weekend is here again. It's an hour till sunday.I love weekend. I have time by myself, relaxing and catching up with movies.

I got my extenuation approval from my faculty so my report will be extended till feb for submission.

I'll be helping lecturers for lab demonstration every wednesday. It's my 1st time so I hope everything will go well. All is well. :)

I tried to send my car for car wash but crap, the car wash people tried to charge me RM25 for wash, vacuum and dashboard shine. Too expensive so I decided to hold it till next week then I wash.

I'm in desperate need of losing some weight here. Been eating a lot these days. It's not really to say I have to, but I figured it out I'll look better if I do. haha..

I'm kinda worry bout my lab results too. :( I'm not sure it's the one I suppose to get or not.

Btw, my knee seems to get better but it still feel unnormal. And the problem is, my other knee seems to be tired and painful some time. I'm trying to get them rested by walking less and prevent myself from carry heavy stuff. And I feel that my back strained cause the nerve seems to be pulling some time. :( Maybe due to the heavy load that I need to carry sometime in the lab. Sometime, I wish that I'm a guy. :(

I still have another 2 years to survive through this PHD. I hope everything will go well.

3 idiots..

Love this movie so much. So inspiring and very funny too. U should take some time off and watch this. :)

I laughed so much when I was watching it. haha


This movie starring Amir khan.

One of the nice quote : Don't chase after success. Be a good engineer and success will come afte you. :)

And below attached is one of the most funny part from the movie.




Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A journal of misery

I feel that I need to be heard. It's quite depressing for me to use this as a way out to voice out my sadness. I find it hard to look for someone who I can comfortably talk to who will just be there to lend me his or her ears at least. I myself consider this as a way of talking to myself. I talked to depression, loneliness, sadness and worries almost every day. They are following me and trying to remind me how pathetic I am although some may thought I'm way ahead by doing phd.

Where is my friend, happiness? I've tried to reflect my life. Everyone said nothing is perfect in this world. But what if I say I'm a perfectionist? Should I accept a small crack on a vase that I'm about to buy? I think this character of mine that bring me to meet and get close to depression, loneliness, sadness and worries. It's like a mental challenge I have. I'm trying to voice out my thoughts and feelings but no one seems to listen, and try to understand me. They always think I myself have problems. What I need is just someone there to listen to me, and perhaps lend me his or her shoulder for support.

Nobody knows what is gonna happen tomorrow. Only gods know. As chinese said, our life is written before we are born in our life and death book. It records how our life is gonna be since we are born until we are dead. And it all depend on karma. Whatever we did in our last life, we need to pay back or receive in this life.

Some may say why should we be sad as we don't know what is gonna happen tomorrow? Why can't we just be happy? I clearly believe that sadness only creeps out when we are affected by situation and people around us. It's not something we bring upon ourselves. I'm in desperate need of holidays. I wanna see the world with my own eyes and have my point of views. I wish I can just go around the world and see how people actually live their life of what the gods have in store for them.

I'm in a relationship that I keep holding on by believing that there may be another chance of surviving it. But I'm in fear of disappointment and I'm scare to be left behind on the time I'm in need. I need reassurance that it will never ever happen anymore but there is nothing he can promise. I wonder whether he reads my blog or not. Its so hard to talk to people who just not listening and instead, the whole conversation is mostly bout him. And when u tell him bout this, all he can say is OK u talk now and I'll listen. Which in the end, I could not bring myself talking to him. I keep everything in my heart and now, when I think about it I feel so emo and depressed.
Is it because he doesnt care? Or he doesn't understand me? Why is it so hard just to lend me his ears?

Monday, October 4, 2010

Pics


I took this pics few months back and I just collected them. There are more in my fb. I don't really like uploading pics here as it take so long just to upload one pic.

I am quite busy these days. And my laptop is showing sign of aging and perhaps retire anytime soon. :(

2 months more before I'll meet him again. Its almost a year ever since I last seen him. I wonder whether both of us has changed when we meet each other.

Life is quite hectic for me. I'm planning my lab schedule cause I need to help in lab demonstrating for 2 lecturers. I hope I can manage to cast all the beams I want before 2011. So, it means I only have 2 months left for me to do so. I hope that I can go back kch in dec for a short holiday. :)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

For the ladies

When u start, u believe this one will be your last,love.

Ladies that give everything,listen carefully.

Making u wait is a man,the one who is waiting is a woman.

The one who making u want to cry is a man, the one who cries is a woman.

How many time u want to get tricked,how many times u want to get hurt.How many time do u need to be in pain to stop.

The words "I love u", try not to believe i n it. There is no love, it's nowhere. Dropped thousand of tears, and it doesn't seem that he cares.

Timeless

Here is one of the song that could bring me tears. :..(

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

updates


I'm enjoying my research life especially the moment I have in Lab. Almost everyone who know has been asking me how am I going to survive through my phd esp in civil engineering field. Hmm, I feel that time seem to past so fast for me. I love what I'm doing do there is no problem for me to be working in lab. Civil lab is without aircond but I've get used to it. :)



I feel that my blog are lag of pics. :) here is a pic of the nice piggie pau from one of a nice chinese restaurant in midvalley. I forgot its name but they do serve nice chinese food. Now, I'm craving for it. :(

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

choi siwon

I know i know.. Choi siwon is the prefect gentleman, one of a kind from super junior. :) He is indeed very good looking. Has a body to die for.. He's famous and often being referred as Prince Siwon as he act along side with andy lau in Battle of' the wits, a canto movie few years back.

He has the ultra cool look when he doesn't smile. But when he smile, it just melt my heart.

U'll get what I mean after u watch the vid below. :) siwon, oppa!~

Here's a vid of him made by one of his fan. :)



Sorry if I sound so obsessed with him.. I'm not a crazily obsessed fan of him but it's no harm to rise my bar up for the prefect guy I should be looking for, right? haha

Forever After??

I'm watching Shrek forever after.. Shrek reminds me a lot about him.. Where were him when I need him the most?? I feel like I'm just like the character of Fiona.. I'm getting more tougher than I was before. I do not need a prince charming to save me from the tower as I can save myself. I am aware that I need to be more independent and I realized that women should never rely on their men cause men can also be as weak as women are. They are scare to commit themselves to something they are not certain of and they are scare to even take the first step.

But as the movie potray, fiona forgave shrek when shrek realize his mistake and try to make up for the loses . He told me that he is sorry for what he didn't do for me, I'm trying to forgive him but I do not want to be hurt for the 2nd time. It's been 3 years and 3 years can't either be said long or short. So, I'm giving myself and himself 2nd chance. I'm trying to move on. Sometime, I just hate the habit of mind trying to recall my past. :(

As for now, my phd work require me to work as hard as man does. I'll be going to lab on weekday from 9 to 5 in order to cast 6 beam every week until everything is done. Luckily, the lab technicians are very helpful.


Monday, September 20, 2010

Hectic

I slept less than 6 hours last night. My flight to kl was around 7.30 am. Reaches here around 9.10 am. Took a cab down to my aunt place to pick up my car. Send my car for service at toyota service centre near my aunt place. After this, will be an hour drive back home. But before that, gotta do some groceries and pump petrol. Am I very independent? haha...

I have tons of to do lists.. My report is half way badly written. My lab is still on hold. Whats next for the next 2 months? A super hectic research life.. Guess I need to enjoy every bits of it.

So, welcome to my world!~!~ :)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Surprise

Guess wat? I flew back to KL on the 1st of sept and flew back to Kch again on the 6th Sept. I'll be back in KL again on the 21st. I'm getting kinda nervous about my report cause I'm not sure whether my submission date will be delay for another 3 months due to the hope medical leave I had few months back. I really hope so cause so far my report goes up to 14 pages only. I think I am expected to write around 50 pages at least.

Anyway, it's been quite long ever since I update this blog. I found myself being boring and ever since I'm back in Kch, I guess I put on some unnecessary weight. :( My mum ensure that I have good food everyday. :)

Till then. :) tata

Monday, August 23, 2010

:(

Guess what? My singapore trip was canceled last minute. My mum has some work to do. :(

Then. I brought a flight back home the next day. So, I'm back in Kuching now. I love KCH. everywhere is so near.

I love my room and family. I love my bed.

Love and miss him, my elephant. :(

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Thoughts

I'm at my aunt place in KL for the past few days.. Been going out and about in Pavilion, Sunway Pyramid, Kota Damansara and The curve. I think I've put on weight. I eat more meals a day. My mum is coming over this fri before we head to Singapore. Will be a fun week :)

I miss home so badly. I miss my dad. :) I remembered him being the best dad in the world. He never fail to put other needs 1st before anyone else. He's the type of person who think" yan yan wai go, go wai yan yan" in canto. :) After I watch the hk series a chip off the block, the character Sunny reminds me of him. I remember my dad used to buy me lots of good food. If I say I wan tomato fried mee, he will buy and wait for me after tuition. He will also carry my back and drive me to school everyday. I think I'm very lucky to have him as a dad. Though he may not be very successful in his career but he did more than other dad can do for their kids.

I think self reflect is a good way to remember what our parent and family sacrifice for us so we can try our best to be less selfish and stop thinking bout ourselves. I think if we treat other people nice, people will remember and treat us with respect. I freaked out thinking that I'm actually adult and my parents are going to be senior citizen soon and my brothers are in their 30's. I miss times when I was still a kid, constantly complain bout my school work. Time pass really fast.

I realize this blog is more of a diary of mine rather than blogs written famously by celebrity bloggers who constantly post pics of them out and about and advertorials. Maybe that explains why less people viewed my blog daily. :)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

For my elephant

A new start is always frightening,
But at least this time I truly believe its LOVE,
I rather try to act to be happy than a painful break up
You and I had promise eternity and work on it

My frequent interest and request may give you pressures
U might be annoyed of long calls I don't want to hang up
U might call the expanding love of mine as obsession
As time goes by I'm getting smaller

Since u are a man, u wouldn't understand.
Since I'm lacking, since I'm foolish, I'm only looking at u
Since u are a man, u don't understand me
U probably just want to be free, u probably won't be able to change

When you are not next to me my heart feel empty even if u call
Why is that your words " I LOVE U" don't sound the same as before
The long waits are getting harder and harder
I felt as if I have nothing to give anymore
I think of giving up hundreds of times

I feel uneasy and can't sleep until u fall asleep
I go crazy when I can't contact you
I'm not a woman who expects many things
But I collapse from one of your action and your inattentive words
But since you're my man I still love you

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

NIce Korean Song

One of the song I think it's very meaningful. I brought one of the book Men from Mars and Women from Venus.. Read the first few chapters and it's really true.. I asked him bout it bout the theories shared by the author and he told me that is what is exactly in his mind.

ONE of the theories to be shared from the book for us to understand our better half:

Problem Solving

Men - As a men, they will try to solve the problem they have by themselves. They will not
mention bout the problem to anyone else unless they think that the person they talked to
can help them in finding solutions. They tend to hide themselves in their own world until
they solve the problem and come out again. AND WOMEN actually misunderstand them
cause women tend to try so hard to talk to them cause they thought talking bout it could
make them feel a lot better. But men does not talk bout their problems, so women tend to
thought their men does not trust them to talk bout what's bothering them. ACTUALLY
MEN JUST NEED TO HIDE IN THEIR OWN CAVE UNTIL THEY SOLVE THEIR
PROBLEMS. Women should just leave them alone. :)

Women - We like to talk about our problems over and over again to whom we may think care
about us. WE JUST NEED SOMEONE TO COMPLAIN TO. In end, after talking,
we'll eventually feel so much better and the problem is no longer a problem for us.
And men thought whatever problem we told them, we are asking for solutions bout
actually we are not. They tend to try to put on the MR FIX IT hat and suggest us the
solutions and we get more frustrated after that. ACTUALLY WE JUST NEED THEM
TO LISTEN.

Listen to the song i posted and you'll understand how hard women try to fit into their man's cave but they don't realize that it'll only make the matter worse if they try to help their man to solve the problem. MEN as being egoist themselves have their own pride when comes to problem solving, if a women tried to suggest how to solve it, they will feel as if they are useless. :)


Friday, August 6, 2010

Plans

Weekend is here again. :) It's another 2 weeks before I meet my mum and fly to singapore for retail therapy and then back to kl and finally be back to Kch for a week. But I'll be back in KL on 1st Sept. August will be a pretty busy month for me.

My experimental works will commence next week. Will be very buy for next half of the year. I have around 200 beams to be cast and test. I'm so excited.

I miss Kch so bad. I wish to meet my little nephew, Gerard. He's naughty but he is so adorable. :) NOt forgetting Albert and the rest of my little cousins. Albert is now 7 years old. I've been an auntie for 7 years now.. and I''ll only turn 23 this Dec. :)

Monday, August 2, 2010

Grief

Grief is the one thing that we need to deal with when someone around us or whom we know just left this world like that. No one knows what is gonna happen next. Life is like a candle, some lights up till then end and some are off half way through.

I lost someone I loved very dearly in a car accident before. I was at the lowest point of my life at that time. Nobody knew what I went through and how I felt. I was at grief for almost a year and I'd withdraw myself from friends. My friends could not understand how it feels so that makes them think I'm EMO or weird at that point of life. They walked away from me after some time. But some do stays.

The amount of pain that I felt in my heart was so great that I thought of ending my life. But I could not bear to leave my family esp my mum who loves me so much. I took one year to heal my pain and changed my thoughts. I think it's very bad and selfish of me to just end my life that way when some other who wishes to live on does not even get that 2nd chance.

But my past had made me stronger for sure. I looked at things differently. I will never give up on love if the person is worth all the space in my heart. I know the joy of having a complete family who love me dearly although my dad has stroke. Therefore, I tried my best to enjoy every moments with them. Life is not bout the length but it's the things that we did with our loved ones that we can hold close to our heart. It's how we live and see each day of our life. We shall be grateful to heavenly GOD and our parents who give us chance to see this world and live each day. There maybe time of ups and downs but we should be glad cause sometimes we feel the pain and that makes us more human.

We grief for our lost but I'm sure after sometime, we shall heal and stand up and walk again. All we can do is just remember all those great times we had with them until eternity.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Better in time..

We'd talked and I figured out that it's unfair to judge him bout the 1 time tat he had let me down. Talked to Ju and she told me one thing which is quite reasonable " Think of how much he has come since both of you are together" and the images of him used to a playful PSP and dota addict, and one who care less bout studies, became more driven bout his studies and project when we were in degree. And now, he woke up everday at 6.30 am to help his dad for business including Sunday.

Maybe I just need to get past this pain of mine. Even I go through pain, I still have something to thank for in life. I've become more human and I never be more thankful for what my family has done for me. Been there for me. And my friends of course. They were there. Those who were I know. I know I may not heal now but time will heal me. Now I just need to give him one more chance and I think it's not that hard to ask for if he's there realizing his mistake he made.






Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Love....

I realize love only exists within family. Not beyond anything out of that. Or maybe my prince charming has yet to show up with his white horse.

Why there is no guy in this world who is worth my love? Who will love me wholeheartedly. I'm tired of fairytale cause I realize I'm not that lucky to be the princess.

I just realized how unhappy I am with him. Maybe all good things need to come to an end sometime. And I feel that it's better we keep those good memories of ours to ourselves before any nightmare begin. I feel that it's very hard to compromise to someone who doesn't understand what is true love. The part that he was never there for me when I need him the most and in end he try to defend, and said what can he do even if he is there. This verse play repeatedly in my head. Maybe no one understand bout the pain i went through. For that very 1st time, the pain in my chest is greater than the pain I had from the 10cm long stitches I had on my knee. And every time I looked at my knee scar, it reminds me of how deep he had hurt me. Sorry, but I can't go against myself to forgive him. I had tried but I failed. And I was all alone trying. All he did was asking for my forgiveness and asking me to wait for him. But I guess I can't wait anymore.


I'm sorry but this is the most I can do. :(


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

NIce song...

Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late to catch me now

Monday, July 26, 2010

Today...

I woke up super late today.. ard 12 noon. and my back aches till now.. Now I'm kinda freak out when I c this bed. I miss my kch bed. Guess I will be staying late to do some reading..

I went to tesco to buy food today and I end up buying a total amount of RM100 worth of food. Stocked up my chips, got 2 flavours of lays, twisties, double decker prawn chips. Brought fresh raw salmon slice too. Cheap rm24.90 per kg compare to the one i usually buy rm59.90 per kg. Lots of vege and grapes. Hmm, I guess it could last me for a month with all the food I have in my room. I think I need a food diary to keep me on track not to shop and finish those in my rooms.

Talked to my sis in law. She said my bro wanna bring me to MR. Ho when I'm back. My 2nd bro sayang me so much. I feel so lucky to have him as my bro. Sometime, I wish my age gap with him is smaller cause with the 8 years different age gap, sometimes it's hard to find a topic to talk to him. But I do love him dearly, he's not only my bro but he can be my dad. I used to be rebellious when I was a teenager cause my dad was sick and I was curious bout the outside world. I ever skip my tuition classes but I was caught by him and got scolded. very badly. I think if without him, I won't be who I am now. Doing my Phd. That's why I appreciate my family more than anything. And of course him. :) For me friends walk in and out from our lives but family stay with us forever.




Saturday, July 24, 2010

Cherry Blossom


I love this picture so much.. I wish I ever come across the real cherry blossom trees. :)

I've been doing nothing the whole day except some sewing and cooking. YES I cook.. :) Indeed I enjoy cooking.. I love cooking for my loved ones, and see them happily eating my food. Well, I do believe the fact that it's important to know how to cook to keep your man. haha.. Chinese proverb.

I'm also a very homey person. I prefer staying at home than going out. which explains really well why I have few number of friends.

I think I'm not really a career woman type of girl.. I rather choose to be a housewife than being a high level manager. haha.. I dislike something that tie me down and give me so much stress.. Well, life is so unpredictable so why wanna waste our time on stress and headache n heartache. Right?

I feel that I've been thinking bout life, and love and studies. I know it's very important for me to concentrate on my studies now. 2 years and 4 months. Time is just a figure. Whatever have to be done are very important. I can't find a way to stop thinking bout other stuff when I study.
Anyone has any idea how to?

I think I have a very low self esteem. I'm not so confident with the things I'm doing. Like those who think why used to say that I'm not so sure bout my finals but when the results are out, I score with 1st class. And even being the top in class I don't think I'm any rank higher than others. I just did my best to score and when I score, I'm very happy but I feel it's hard to tell others how well I did for my papers.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Tired and bored..

I'm not feeling well these days. Sore throat. Maybe I always stayed up late these days and sleep till late at noon. I feel so lazy. I know I should be motivating myself to do better but I couldn't help. I need more entertainment I guess. I stayed home for 3 whole weeks and it's kinda driving me crazy. I need retail therapy for my sg trip next month. :)

I guess here is a nice place for me to voice out my boredom.. sien ah... i miss food. i miss pasar malam.. i miss kch... i miss him and my family. I feel like I'm living a senior citizen life these days. NO movies, no dinners, no gathering, no drinking and no clubbing. It's been a year since I last clubbing. :( I need power bozz with nice plp to chill with.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

L.O.V.E

Love.. Hmm... I'm sure everyone has different definition of LOVE.


I love the way he makes me feel. His love touches my heart over and over again. I've never know how to love someone until I met him. Every time I complained to him bout everything, he was there trying to make me feel better. Sometimes, when I'm all stressed out. He was there to be my punching bag. :)

I miss him a lot. Moreover, we are in a long distance relationship now. Being apart for more than 6 months and what I've been through made everything harder. Though he was never there for me when I need him the most, the only reason I think he still have more to prove that he's the one for me, but he's been trying hard to put up with all my nagging and blaming.I think there are no other men who will be able to put up with me. I've treated our love like a sport. Challenging but it's fun right?

Day by day pass by. I feel that counting days will make it feel longer, hence I never do that. I miss valentine's day with him. I miss cny with him. I miss catching n waiting for the train with him. I miss going dinner and shopping with him. I miss the stuff that we do together.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

updates



It's been a year since I graduated from my degree. I should have been an engineer at a consultant firm by now And what have I done? Instead, I chooses to further my studies and I got into PhD. It's been 8 months now, which means I have 4 months to go for my 1st year report submission. I'm on the blank side of my literature reviews. Is there anyway I can understand those engineering words better technically?

I'm planning to expand my knowledge more. READ MORE, JEN. haha.. I need a lot of reading to write my reports. ANd I realize that I forgot most of my basics. haha.. I think I left my brain at home in KCH. Will ask my mum bring it over when she comes over in sept. haha Here I go again, stress n write crap. :)

I wish I have summer holidays cause I misses KCH so badly. I miss my bed at home. The one my parents brought for me. The bed I'm sleeping on here now makes my back sore and I have to put a comforter as a bed sheet. I miss my room with my big wardrobe. I miss my makeup table. :(

I miss ROjak, Tomato fried noodle,my mum's ka cha mar and curry, laksa. haih.. I miss the yutiao also. sigh..

I miss nice food.. I miss food. I'm really sick of my own home cook food. haha.. Yes, I have been cooking everyday. But I love my fried kailan with garlic la. :) Very healthy but yet I still got sore throat. :( Been drinking honey but it doesn't work. I wonder why. :(

Anyway a nice quote I wanna share here " Everything we do in life is insignificant, but it's very important that we do it. " from Ghandhi. :)








Thursday, July 15, 2010

For Him

I shouldn't have walked away
I would've stayed if you said
We could've made everything OK
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground

I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Super natural love conquers all
'Member we used to touch the sky
And

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

I thought we'd be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn't always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin' stupid
And you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone
And

We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye

'Cause lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
http://www.elyricsworld.com/angel_cry_lyrics_mariah_carey_ft_ne-yo.html
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
But we let it slip
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

over stressed

I'm on a deadline to submit my beam design and I came across errors over what I have worked on.. I'm so angry at myself that I made such a stupid mistake. But errors are always errors, I need to correct everything and start all over the design again. :(

Now, I feel that I'm mentally stressed out.. Pity my calculator and him for being my punch bag.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Love em..

I'm sure everyone know who is Super Junior are. I used to think they are just a bunch of korean guys dancing n singing trying to win girls heart. I watched the korean super junior with all the members.. not really good looking le.. why girls like them?

But then, I came across their little sub group here. Super JUnior M.. 1st Impression... HOt.. 2nd time So Hot.. 3rd time... SUper Hot.. and so on.. haha..

SUper Junior M consists of 7 members and all of them are so good looking.. :) Makes me think guys in suits attract me most. haha. :) and they are around my age. There is one super talented @henry, who plays violin while dancing.. youtube him haha.. but the other one Siwon, looks very gentleman and cool, the best looking in my opinion. haha

Below are 2 clips from them.. What do you think?




Saturday, July 10, 2010

Football Frenzy


Every 4 years, for 31 days.. The world come together in front of our TV. I'm sure every 4 years we'll see changes in our TV. I remember when I was a kid, I guess when around 5 or 6, I remember my grandpa used to watch WC matches on a bulky 14 inch blur TV, cheering upon Brazil. Now, as time pass, I'm sure he will be pretty impress by the technology as we have LCD TV and now, we have this LCD 3d TV coming up, but sadly, he is no longer here to witness this. But then, I'm sure he's in heaven watching it live from the stadium. :)

As all of us know, footballs are one of every guys fave. :) It's in their DNA.

As a girl myself, I realize it's kinda stupid to watch guys going around fighting to chase the ball and end up injured.

Maybe the fact that football reminds me so much bout my grandpa, make me trying to avoid it. It reminds me of him every time I watch those green fields. But then, I realize I could not avoid watching it as the fact that he left us could not be changed. It makes me aware that the loved ones around us will not be there with us forever. Life is like a candle. Some lights all the way till finish but some of them, the lights would be blown of by wind half way.

Therefore, I feel Its important for us to be true to others and stop manipulating others to get what we wants. I'm sure family will be the closest people to us compare to friends. My family and bf thought me how to love someone. I know they are very patient with me as I maybe a princess sometimes. :)

My surgery realized it's not easy at all to make your leg to be that fit and sometimes, you need a super good reaction between your leg and brain to transmit the infos to kick or not to kick. I'm pretty impress by the players in WC. I'm sure they worked super hard for WC, even until the very last moment they fight trying to win.

After underwent the knee surgery, my leg reaction is not fully back in the original form yet, as in I can barely lifting up my leg straight. The doc told me it's expected to be this way as my inner cartilage is badly injured and required more time to heal.



Monday, July 5, 2010

Woke up...

I wanna share this with you. A very nice song by park bom.. Just describe exactly how I feel for him. :) You and I together just feel so right.. :)



Time kinda past so fast... I'm freaking out... I have 4 months to go before my deadline.. If feel just like yesterday I just entered into Phd.. And, I'm rushing to do my lab work and submission report. I have no idea yet what should I write for it. lolx.. But all I know I should start writing something.

I need to keep myself busy.. Finally, I feel a slap on my cheek that I should wake up from my relaxing mode. haha...

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Sunday...

Like any other sunday... :( Time to charge my energy with endless nap. :) Life as a phd student is indeed mentally challenging.. I'm coping up with my basics that I have long forgotten.. Watched toy story 3 yesterday.. Love it but the babydoll creeps me out.. remind me of the horror flick bout chucky.. haha..

I wish that I can save more money.. I have some stuff I wish to buy.. :( But my monthly allowance is a bit tight.. I have a new car to pay, rental n food. :(


Speaking bout my new car, yup.. Love it white.. The new vios desirable.. with the number I feel satisfy with the num in chinese, simply means continuous wealth forever. :)


Btw, i took this studio pic last week in a kimono.. :) With a hair tied up and make up, I think I looked different. :)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Excited...

Guess what?? :) My family will be coming to KL in 2 weeks time. :) My 2 bro, and their wife, 2 nephew, my mum. uncle, auntie and their 3 kids. I'm so excited. :) They said they wanna try Jogoya's food. I heard from my KL friend bout oversea and tai thong restaurant, which is said the food is superb. I guess RM800 ++ per table is worth it. But I'm not sure if we have enough time for it as they plan to go Genting and Sunway.

I miss my nephews so much. My family celebrated his birthday yesterday and I missed it. :(

I feel like going home where everything are stress free but I can't. I have a lot of lab works to do. It's 5 months more to go before my 1st year report submission. I don't think my progress is on par yet. I need more time but I wanna grad faster.

I have so many holiday plans but everything needs $$$. :(

nyway, gtg now. need to get ready for uni.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Weekend..

It's Sunday. So yeah, tmr I need to go to my civil eng lab again from 9.30am to 5.30pm, 5 days a week. I love lab. Especially the part mixing the cement, sand , ops and water. I love the part when everything I did looks right although I'm not sure what result will I get at the end of the day.

But one thing bout the civil eng lab is it's hot, as in oven hot unless it's raining. Unlike those EE and ME labs, we do not have airconds. Lol..We only have the industrial fans. But again, I should just feel glad with what I have. The uni gave me a 100% scholarship for my Phd and I'm given allowance every month as a job as a Research Assistant. Nothing I should be complain of though.

I've spoke to Vincent bout our Phd. He's the ME guy, who's also taking Phd. I guess Phd is never easy when everything is on our own. It's just like we have this weight on our shoulder.

I miss exams, where lecturers will give us notes on what to study and not. The interesting part of it is looking for extra info. I miss those days where I prepare myself for the finals. Those nerve of what is coming out and what's not keep me guessing and pushed myself harder to learn. And finally, the moment the exam begins, when I fliped open the papers, it seems like everything just blurted out from my brain and my hand is making wonders on the papers. aha... I guess I miss the time when the results are out. :)

Nothing is easy. But I guess exams is like a battlefield. Know your enemy well and you are destined to win. If you and your enemy is even, your battle will be also even. If you do not know the enemy well, I guess you are bound to lose. Smth remarkable I've learned from SunTzu, who have written the art of war. I do wish myself knowing Chinese lol.. The beautiful thing of Chinese language is most of the wisdom books are written in that language. It's not easy to even find the closest meaning to translate in eng. Everyone interprets differently.

Anyway, for those who is taking exams. All the best. :)

Sunday, April 25, 2010

A picture of life..

After 3 months from my knee surgery, I had gone through roller coaster and learn to realize that I only live for myself. My family was always there for me. If without them, i do not know how i could deal with it.

As harsh as reality can be, Life is indeed fragile. Some innocent people seems to have ended their life not because they wanted it to. It's because of some other irresponsible people who drive recklessly(drink n drive) and the hurt people and try to get away with it. Therefore, NEVER EVER DRINK AND DRIVE.

nyway, I'm back in uni for work. Time seems to pass so fast that I'm freaking out that I have only 2 and half year time to complete my phd and I've not started with any thing. I'm starting to feel the stress of research. It's a lot worse than studying for final exams. For degree, we are given notes for final exams and the thing I'm doing now has no exact answer of whether I'm in the right path or not. I wishes that I still have the heart to go on with whatever I'm doing now. :(

Just got to get myself be more hardworking and drag myself to civil lab everyday from today onwards. :(

Friday, January 29, 2010

2010.. sigh...

guess wat? My beginning of 2010 was a rough one.. I dislocated my knee and underwent an operation. Ouch right? It was very painful okie? esp te stitching part. I'm now undergoing physio. Hopefully I can heal before cny. 2 weeks to go.. sigh.. n my leg still weak. lolx...

I dont wanna stay at home for cny. sien.. I wanna be out and about... doing things i like and adore..

Why do my knee fail me lol...