I feel that I need to be heard. It's quite depressing for me to use this as a way out to voice out my sadness. I find it hard to look for someone who I can comfortably talk to who will just be there to lend me his or her ears at least. I myself consider this as a way of talking to myself. I talked to depression, loneliness, sadness and worries almost every day. They are following me and trying to remind me how pathetic I am although some may thought I'm way ahead by doing phd.
Where is my friend, happiness? I've tried to reflect my life. Everyone said nothing is perfect in this world. But what if I say I'm a perfectionist? Should I accept a small crack on a vase that I'm about to buy? I think this character of mine that bring me to meet and get close to depression, loneliness, sadness and worries. It's like a mental challenge I have. I'm trying to voice out my thoughts and feelings but no one seems to listen, and try to understand me. They always think I myself have problems. What I need is just someone there to listen to me, and perhaps lend me his or her shoulder for support.
Nobody knows what is gonna happen tomorrow. Only gods know. As chinese said, our life is written before we are born in our life and death book. It records how our life is gonna be since we are born until we are dead. And it all depend on karma. Whatever we did in our last life, we need to pay back or receive in this life.
Some may say why should we be sad as we don't know what is gonna happen tomorrow? Why can't we just be happy? I clearly believe that sadness only creeps out when we are affected by situation and people around us. It's not something we bring upon ourselves. I'm in desperate need of holidays. I wanna see the world with my own eyes and have my point of views. I wish I can just go around the world and see how people actually live their life of what the gods have in store for them.
I'm in a relationship that I keep holding on by believing that there may be another chance of surviving it. But I'm in fear of disappointment and I'm scare to be left behind on the time I'm in need. I need reassurance that it will never ever happen anymore but there is nothing he can promise. I wonder whether he reads my blog or not. Its so hard to talk to people who just not listening and instead, the whole conversation is mostly bout him. And when u tell him bout this, all he can say is OK u talk now and I'll listen. Which in the end, I could not bring myself talking to him. I keep everything in my heart and now, when I think about it I feel so emo and depressed.
Is it because he doesnt care? Or he doesn't understand me? Why is it so hard just to lend me his ears?
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