Tuesday

It's only tuesday and my body are so tired. I have student lab 3 times a week, 2 hours for each session. That is ok but for my own lab work, it's so tiring. Grrr... Imagine yourself weighting all the materials for concrete mixing. MIx them, put them in the mould and vibrate them. I'm not talking bout a small size of material. I have around 140 kg mixes each time I cast. I'm so so tired.
I know I shouldnt complain, but I have lesser sleep than usual. Maybe that's the reason triggered my tiredness.

I can't wait for Nov, Dec, Jan and Feb.. Yesh!~!~ My mum is coming in nov. In dec, there's xmas n new year. I'm going to singapore with Kelly in jan. and there's chinese new year for feb. Yesh..
I know I should be working hard cause my report is going to due in feb. :(

How I wish I have casted the beams I need for this year so I have sufficient stuff to put in my report. SO far, 42 pages and I'm struggling. :( I saw some senior writing their one up to 100 plus pages. How is it possible?

Vampire Diaries

Apart from the book that I have yet to finished, I'm currently obsessed with the VAmpire Diaries.. It is so much better than Twilght. The lead actress is so much prettier than Bella from Twilight. :) And there is a vampire named after Damon, who resemble Nate from gossip girl.

The vampire diaries's storyline are written better compared to twilight. :) I'm catching up with the season 1. The recent out one is season 2.

Get it all out from my heart

I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep every other night. I'm in a relationship that I feel like wanna give up. I have been going over n over about the decisions whether to leave or stay. He doesn't even know how hard this is for me. Friends have been telling me that no one is perfect. I'm a serious person and I take things seriously. I don't want to be in the relationship that I know one day I'll end up nowhere.

I'm tired and I wish I know what I should do. :(

Recent collection

I'm getting all nerd up on my recently purchased books. One of the highly recommended one is the eat pray love. :) I know I should not miss the movie but then, the book itself is so nice. The other 2 books from JOhn gray, in green and orange are men are from mars and women are from venus. :)

I can't remember the last time I'm so in loved in reading except my uni text books. haha.. :) Perhaps, many years back when I was a teenage. I used to love Singapore Horror books and some teenage romance books. I never read Harry Potter cause I fall asleep after reading the first few pages.

sat...

it's sat.. I'm doing my laundry now. PLan to have vegetarian food today. :) I just watched vampires suck and it's actually sucks, I fast forward most of the time cause the jokes are kind of lame.

I've tested 2 beams yesterday and it turned out fine. :) It failed the way I hope it would. I have more labs to conduct next few weeks. I'm a bit shy when it comes to talking in front of plp. But I guess I need to get used to it.

I had carrot juice with milk and I plan to make more later for dinner. I have lots of carrot in my fridge. I wonder whether it will make my skin orangish haha.

I have lots of journals that I need to catch up with. I know I should not be lazy and know this is my priorities. But I'm so tempted to read the book "EAt, Pray, Love", I can't stop myself from continuing reading it. Love the way the author tells the story in the way that she wrote it as if the reader is in her shoes. :) I got the book from Border.

a day at work

As usual, I do not know what to eat for my breakfast apart a few piece of biscuits and soya bean drink. I feel so tired although I slept for 8 hours last night. I'm hungry but I don't know what to eat for lunch. The food at cafeteria are alright but it's to small to accommodate thousand of students there during lunch time. So, here I am telling myself. I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry. I'M NOT HUNGRY.

My friend, Jessica said that she's going to have vegetarian food tonight. So, I'm thinking of following her and I'm so excited. :)

I met my supervisor at 10am just now to discuss the mix design. I told him that I'm thinking to take leave in mid of dec and he seems alright. :)

I have my 1st year progress report to do and I wish to complete it by mid of jan so I can hand it in before cny. As, I'm thinking of having a long break for cny. :) I miss home.. I miss the food there. I think I've dropped at least 1 kg or 2 kg from the day I'm back from kch.

My lab work of casting beams are done for a small part and I've tested 1 beam but the results worries me. How I wish that I can hit refresh back to design so I can be able to design the beams with more rebars. :(

Mix Feeling

I accidentally cut my finger while I was trying to cut the carrot to make juice. The cut itself is 1cm long and depth 0.3 cm. It was pain and bleeding. Bleed a lot but after a while, I realized it wasn't as pain as the time I dislocated my knee. So it was alright. I guess I went through a lot for my knee injury and somehow, it increased my pain tolerance. There I was putting on handiplast. :( I cut my finger twice in the lab too and now, both hand has plaster on. :(

I'm having lab demonstration tomorrow for the Year 1 undergrads and it'll be on every wednesday till end of Nov. Not only that, I have concrete mixing lab with the Year 3 undergrads. So, wish me luck guys. I'm new in this so let see how things go.

It's 12.40 am and it's quite unusual for me to stay up this late. I drank a cup of coffee around 9 pm so I'm not sleepy yet. I need to prepare the concrete mix design answer by this Thurs. I'm kinda worry bout my phd too. I'm worried that I'm not on the right path. :( Hope everything will turn out ok. :(

I think I need pain killer for my back pain and my finger so I can go to sleep later. Some of my friends from Unimas and Swinburne graduated. :) If u are reading this, just wanna say U guys did a great job and Congrats to those who have graduated. :)

A day in my shoes

Both of my legs feel so sore and tired from standing in the lab the whole day from 10 am till 6.30 pm. Casted another 3 beams today. I'm so tired. I guess I'll be heading to bed soon. Tomorrow I have lab again. Need to wash oil palm shell and sieve the sand.

I miss home. I miss my bed. I woke up middle of night last night cause my back hurts. The bed here is hard. :( I miss my house closet too. The closet here is too small for me. :( I miss home cook food. I miss metahon, a kind of dessert can be found in kch. I miss my little nephew calling me Kor Kor ( it means aunty)

I guess what I'm writing here is journalism. ( A way of expressing my needs, complains and etc)

I had soya milk for breakfast, mix rice and lipton red tea for lunch and homemade egg cheese sandwich and carrot and apple milk juice for dinner.

Talking bout food, I'm quite fussy when it comes to food. I prefer eating at home rather than outside cause I dislike if the food is cooked very oily and with msg. I don't use msg when I cook at home cause msg always make me feel so thirsty in the middle of the night and make me wake up seeking for water.

Besides that, I try to have some milk everyday. I know my knee are still healing so I guess it needs more calcium. I love coffee and milk tea. :) lipton milk tea tastes so good. :) and when it comes to vege, I prefer kailan rather than other type of vege. For fishes, I love salmon, both raw and cooked. For eggs, I love kampung egg, it taste much better. and chicken, kampung chicken, cause it has less fat.

Argh, my legs are tired. SUper tired. :( I have 12 hours rest before I head back to lab. I guess my life now is like a routine. 10am till 6 pm lab.. 6pm till 8pm bath, wash my hair,prepare dinner, 8pm till 10.30pm movies and dramas, internet, facebook, after 10.30 pm or 11 pm, zzzz. and dreams

I'm tired but I'm glad I have the chance to experience what I'm doing currently. I'm also happy for my classmates who found their job. :) It proved that nottingham graduates have no problem in seeking jobs. :) congrats :)

nyway, I love the sentence below. It somehow make me believe in love again. I realized that love requires lots of patience.
By day one way, by night another. This shall be done till I meet my true love..

I believe GOD has plans for everyone. We shall do what we are capable of, and something we have interest in. Try not to force yourself by doing something you dislike or be with the person who you think you do not love but just for the sake that you think he treats you the best. Love is a 2 way train, not a one way train, remember that.

Okie, it's almost time for my sleep. Nites everyone. Hope u will have a great day tomorrow. :)

Weekend

Another weekend is here again. It's an hour till sunday.I love weekend. I have time by myself, relaxing and catching up with movies.

I got my extenuation approval from my faculty so my report will be extended till feb for submission.

I'll be helping lecturers for lab demonstration every wednesday. It's my 1st time so I hope everything will go well. All is well. :)

I tried to send my car for car wash but crap, the car wash people tried to charge me RM25 for wash, vacuum and dashboard shine. Too expensive so I decided to hold it till next week then I wash.

I'm in desperate need of losing some weight here. Been eating a lot these days. It's not really to say I have to, but I figured it out I'll look better if I do. haha..

I'm kinda worry bout my lab results too. :( I'm not sure it's the one I suppose to get or not.

Btw, my knee seems to get better but it still feel unnormal. And the problem is, my other knee seems to be tired and painful some time. I'm trying to get them rested by walking less and prevent myself from carry heavy stuff. And I feel that my back strained cause the nerve seems to be pulling some time. :( Maybe due to the heavy load that I need to carry sometime in the lab. Sometime, I wish that I'm a guy. :(

I still have another 2 years to survive through this PHD. I hope everything will go well.

3 idiots..

Love this movie so much. So inspiring and very funny too. U should take some time off and watch this. :)

I laughed so much when I was watching it. haha


This movie starring Amir khan.

One of the nice quote : Don't chase after success. Be a good engineer and success will come afte you. :)

And below attached is one of the most funny part from the movie.

A journal of misery

I feel that I need to be heard. It's quite depressing for me to use this as a way out to voice out my sadness. I find it hard to look for someone who I can comfortably talk to who will just be there to lend me his or her ears at least. I myself consider this as a way of talking to myself. I talked to depression, loneliness, sadness and worries almost every day. They are following me and trying to remind me how pathetic I am although some may thought I'm way ahead by doing phd.

Where is my friend, happiness? I've tried to reflect my life. Everyone said nothing is perfect in this world. But what if I say I'm a perfectionist? Should I accept a small crack on a vase that I'm about to buy? I think this character of mine that bring me to meet and get close to depression, loneliness, sadness and worries. It's like a mental challenge I have. I'm trying to voice out my thoughts and feelings but no one seems to listen, and try to understand me. They always think I myself have problems. What I need is just someone there to listen to me, and perhaps lend me his or her shoulder for support.

Nobody knows what is gonna happen tomorrow. Only gods know. As chinese said, our life is written before we are born in our life and death book. It records how our life is gonna be since we are born until we are dead. And it all depend on karma. Whatever we did in our last life, we need to pay back or receive in this life.

Some may say why should we be sad as we don't know what is gonna happen tomorrow? Why can't we just be happy? I clearly believe that sadness only creeps out when we are affected by situation and people around us. It's not something we bring upon ourselves. I'm in desperate need of holidays. I wanna see the world with my own eyes and have my point of views. I wish I can just go around the world and see how people actually live their life of what the gods have in store for them.

I'm in a relationship that I keep holding on by believing that there may be another chance of surviving it. But I'm in fear of disappointment and I'm scare to be left behind on the time I'm in need. I need reassurance that it will never ever happen anymore but there is nothing he can promise. I wonder whether he reads my blog or not. Its so hard to talk to people who just not listening and instead, the whole conversation is mostly bout him. And when u tell him bout this, all he can say is OK u talk now and I'll listen. Which in the end, I could not bring myself talking to him. I keep everything in my heart and now, when I think about it I feel so emo and depressed.
Is it because he doesnt care? Or he doesn't understand me? Why is it so hard just to lend me his ears?

Pics

I took this pics few months back and I just collected them. There are more in my fb. I don't really like uploading pics here as it take so long just to upload one pic.

I am quite busy these days. And my laptop is showing sign of aging and perhaps retire anytime soon. :(

2 months more before I'll meet him again. Its almost a year ever since I last seen him. I wonder whether both of us has changed when we meet each other.

Life is quite hectic for me. I'm planning my lab schedule cause I need to help in lab demonstrating for 2 lecturers. I hope I can manage to cast all the beams I want before 2011. So, it means I only have 2 months left for me to do so. I hope that I can go back kch in dec for a short holiday. :)

For the ladies

When u start, u believe this one will be your last,love.

Ladies that give everything,listen carefully.

Making u wait is a man,the one who is waiting is a woman.

The one who making u want to cry is a man, the one who cries is a woman.

How many time u want to get tricked,how many times u want to get hurt.How many time do u need to be in pain to stop.

The words "I love u", try not to believe i n it. There is no love, it's nowhere. Dropped thousand of tears, and it doesn't seem that he cares.

Timeless

Here is one of the song that could bring me tears. :..(